... Procrastination

Its something we do a lot,

Realise: I hate generalising....but

its true....be it in arrogance,

stubbornness, self-righteousness, or simply not-in-the-mood

we procrastinate.

Why?

To be honest I have not a doctored answer

not someone with a pHd in psychology or

similar social science fields

but I do know myself

and I claim to know the humans around me,

obviously not to the mediocre level

....but then who but the One does?

Not even ourselves, we can't even diagnose our own feelings

much less our own pain

so what gives us the UN-urge?

The need to not be needed,

or the want to not want

perhaps even the prevention of sudden possibilities

Is it the innate wonders for self-preservation?

Maybe, perhaps.

These words procrastinate. I feel it

I see it. And to God I will never truly understand it.

Inadvisable. Disguises.

....Imprudent?

Certainly Detrimental.

Good Luck for the Summer to come x

Books&Spectacles

OK just had the LONGEST optician's appointment, over an hour. With my cousin who i think will expire from boredom....LOL
Anyways on the library Internet so i have to be quick, stingy minutes man. :)
Guess what today's Big Thing is?
the Release of Mockingjay by Suzanne collins, its the last book in the Hunger games trilogy.
for some reason i'm not as hyped to read it as I was for the previous installment but I still do want to read it.
Thers just something very comforting about closure. Aside for the obvious... :)
I picked new glasses today as well, i had the intention of getting so different Orange ones, those that know me, know that its one of my favorite colours....
but i ended up with rather odd, yet comfortable red and marbled cream effect rectangles. Its nice though and slightly discreet, just what i wanted.
That's all i can write for now, have like 4 Min's left and i need to finish this Maximum Ride fanfic I've just started.
Peace x
Sammy

Holidays, Results and the Glass of fizzy pop

Hey Bloggers! Or browsers, don’t really care whichever...

It’s just been AGES since I updated…well duh, seeing as I have no access to blogging in JAK but anyways I’ve missed it.
Home for summer break (and of course Ramadan), loads of family at home so that’s good.
Heck it can be nauseatingly LOUD but remember I haven’t seen half of them for a year so I’m savouring it. Got whole other year coming up, Can’t Wait!
Love being at home, the homey food, Library, no curfew, no bed-check, no packed out schedule, my family here and not to mention my mobile! Internet! And BOOKS!!!!! Time to just indulge and READ!!!!
Love it, but we all have to head back to reality and for that I don’t mind going back, I like knowing I’m utilising the time I’ve been given and getting knowledge that I know is Invaluable. I just wish I had appreciated last year as much as I should have Time just Flies!!!!

We all have those moment somewhere in our lives were we get smacked in the face by Reality. Or maybe it’s like a glass of fizzy pop splashed upon your head….or more like the glass going TWACK! upon my head and shattering the hopes that live there.

The reason I suppose for so much comparison is that I’m referring to my JAK end-of-year results and my AS results, both events had there unique Bashing (so to say).

Let me just say JAK results brought my studies into perspective ( hope its long-lived) and the AS results made me feel like I’d just been dumped…or maybe like I’m spinning on one of those play-ground spinning thing (you know what I mean)…not only is nauseating and dizzying but leaving you with a view of the world spinning, your feet no longer planted on the ground, your eyes only wanting to shut, block out the view, block out what can’t be deciphered. You’re in a Limbo and you don’t feel like getting into grips with reality again, you don’t want to….but SMASH goes that glass of fizzy pop and reality HITS, you know you Have to do something about your life, its not enough to want to become better or changer you life, you have to actually go DO it.

*breathe, breathe* lol so that’s just the glazing of the ice-burg. God I’m a mess of blocked up intention, emotion and desires. Those targets I’ve set myself, yet can’t bring into focus, like I can’t find my internal binoculars. That tension up in my brain that can’t be resting because I don’t want to take it out, only for it to unravel into all the problems I fear. Call me coward but its true that saying ‘Ignorance is bliss’.

Actually another comes in mind, one more appropriate: “Denial is the most effective coping mechanism”, like my brain just doesn’t want to go there, and my minds just keep putting off the inevitable. Oh well we all have a way to channel our distress in other field like for me major cleaning/organising. I’d say reading but that’s more like ignoring the problem not channelling it.

Now that really is enough for today,
Peace
Sammy x

Im Back!!!!

So I'm back for a week! I love holidays and i plan to just be lazy, shop and use the net... It feels weird though cause at JAK we use all are time real constructively, like; wake up, Fajr, breakfast, dars, lunch, Zuhr, 6-Form, motala (homework session), dinner, kidmat, Esha then 10:30 bed-chek thats the scedual from Mon to Fri. And i love it because you start to utilise all your time wisely and learn to make time aswell. Plus that jolt of responsibility and Independence is a eye-opener.
All that said, I'm looking forward to this week of uselessness.

First thing on the Agenda:
Home: Be with my mum as much a possible <3 And eat as much home food as possible!
Town: Badly want a camera (miss my old one SO much!), so that inshallah will be the first thing i spend my untouched EMA on... =)
Mates: Hang out with Sarah&Saj (a.k.a. Sooki&Cookie) Miss them guys too much <3
Misc: Read, Read and Facebook! loool

Well that's the really water-down list.


But the thing 'bout being in JAK you learn the reality of life but you forget the reality of the living. And for that i thank God for the fact its only 2 year because as much as i love JAK, i really do. Love it that it. I don't want to become so veiled that i am no longer able to relate to my source, my family, my mates and most of all the world. That being said i want to enjoy the 2 years as much as i can, to squeeze out all that i can and hope to come out a better person for I've been told again and again (including my past school-self) that time flies. Like my brother wrote in his letter to me 'time waits for no one' and he should know he spent 11 years studying and now he's graduated and life still goes on...


....on a trivial note-for i have so much tension within me my hands are shaking Really badly, i hope it's from the cold but it usually happens when I'm really uneasy, my mind won't stop churning- I would like to say its nice being back! I love home and my family, no matter what were going though now we have faith and I pray so much we'll get though everything as better. more worthy people Ameen.

Well that didn't come out to trivial but I'll try next time.

Loads of love and faith ,
xoSammy

Cathing Fire Chapters 1&2 [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Damn right sparks will fly!

OMG! OMG!!! OMGGGG!!!!!
Guess what i stumbled upon on the web today??? OK who cares im just gonna shout it out to the WORLD!!! .....well type it out to any bloggers who read this (in the WORLDDD) :DD

Anyways back to insanity:

The FIRST 2 CHAPTERS of Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins which happens to be the sequel of The Hunger Games.

And yeah baby I'm just ruining it for myself but seeing as i stumbled upon the 2nd chapter first a read it, its only justifiable if i read the 1st one too, right?

'Yes right Sammy, of course you make sense!' replies the voice in my head. loool I'm such a freak...anyways here is the link to anyone who wants to ruin it for themselves. But take pleasure in the fact that in the US its coming out on September 1st and here in the UK on September 7th.... so its really not that long.... :)

CHAPTER 1: http://www.scholastic.com/thehungergames/media/CatchingFireChapter1.html

CHAPTER 2: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112216387&ft=1&f=1008

Games...GCSE's....Gifts and g'Thanks! =)

Whhhhaaaaoooooooowwwwww THREEE FOLLOWERS I'm feeling kinda self conscious now loool jokes (welll kinda.... :D) but im still gonna write the usual rubbish i write i find it not only fun and rather therapeutic but also -after looking over a published entry- feel a sense of inner satisfaction ...and maybe even pride if the post has brought out a creative part of me :)

So anyways Thanks! to my followers I'll try not to waste your time! But if i do, what does one typically expect of a 16 year old girl?? :D [....but 17 in 2 months and 4 days, no I'm not counting but i did for this entry :D i just didn't wnt to write '2 and a bit' cause it's 4 DAYS!!! :))

So I finally got hold of substantial, good lasting Internet connection cause as its Ramadan the modems been turned off, my mums SO right everyone practically hugs the net lol I'm so glad I've got this laptop. However the effect of no Internet are really cool because now instead of hugging the comp or the ps3...or the psp...or the tv... or the dvds (lmao...) we all sit together playing boardgames and UNO and my personal fave: Finger on the Trigger. Which is Absolutely GREAT and totally random when playing with my eldest brother, i don't think he knows what fair game is. Oh! speaking of my big bro i ALMOST (and i say Almost because it was a draw...barely) thrashed him in Draughts and i had a long standing winning steak of Connect 4 Woooohooo i just love winning. And trust me when you have 6 (might i add Elder?) Brothers you learn to be ruthless *evil smile* looool

Not that im evil! *smirk* lol after all if 6 bros have that influence on me then my 5 sisters should equal it out.... kinda looool talking bout my sisters ALL 6 OFF US are together at home for the first time in ages!!! OK maybe not ages (since I certainly haven't lived through much...) but a Long time. And the best thing is its just so nice to talk none stop rubbish with them and staying up late attempting Sudoku but truly just trying to annoy everyone but Hey! You can be the youngest child of 12 and NOT have the irresistible urge to ANNOY looool

Oh i cant believe i forgot! My GCSE results. Which where by no standard the highest marks but seeing as i was totally p****** at most of the faculty by the end of my Year 11 and i just plain out couldn't be bothered to put my 2 cents worth in; the results where pretty good. I got *Eyes Wide* a A in English, 5 B's in Maths (SMILE!!), Science (double award so x2), Eng Lit and Textiles (Wtf??? loll at least Ab's is happy). The 2 C's in Urdu and RS and finally History were i got a D. loool i can just imagine what my history teacher would say to me if i met her again... :S

So i know, not the most sparkling results considering my cousin got FOUR A*'s, 3 A's and a B and C. Which BTW she almost cried over LMAO! just imagine she had got a D in history :p [Coookieeeee: if your reading this i hope you comment ;) and p.s. i Love you 2! :D )

Oh and then theres my other cousin (aka Soookie) who got 2 A*'s, 6 A's and a B. But the honest truth is - and i do mean in REAL true honesty- I'm not put out by my grades if i had got better yes it would have bee a great thing to brag about LMAO but I'm satisfied. Which is what IMO truly counts. Conformity of no grade, no statistic and no stereotype can make one feel as satisfied as conforming to ones own decisions. and taking apt responsibility. Hey! I'm not saying dont't get excellent results and don't revise i'm implying (in my own weird way) that to me if you don't enjoy it I see no reason to do it. Just like I REALLLY enjoyed revising for Maths i would actually sit for 4-5 continuous hours in the same position going over maths exam question and didn't get bord once! (only leg cramps) ...because it's something i personally wanted to do.

And anyone who knows me knows i'm not one to study, not only was i not a fan of school (unless you read or watch fiction where it actually looks pretty cool) but i just don't like rules unless i see a honest to god justification behind them. I also have a thing with authority add that to my Stubborn GENE TRAIT!!! =] and you have a recipe for.... welll I'm not sure but not good lool

Great thing was my sisters got me the latest Julia Quinn: What Happens In London (which btw is a Great read!) and a bra set in my old school colors ( *shudder* not cool guys but Thanks all the same!) for my results.

For those who should be starting school round about now Good luck!

xox Sammy

The silent before the storm

Wooohooo!!!! My FIRST Ever Follower on Blogger.....lol I'm grinning like an idiot but I'm allowed :D

I just hope to god Blogspot doesn't become like Twitter (why do i even try to do that??) trust me when i say that its just another spamming network, all that happens (if you don't have secure account) if a crowd of women, with *uh um* pornographically profile pix looking to hook up.... simply put: Ewwwww :S Then next you get the advertising which is as annoying as my P pains which allow me to (again) say Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggggggg....... Now that was nice.

Now back to life, yes dull but soon to be CRAZY, cause for anyone who's read previous entry's on the hectic areas of my life, that along with the title would CLEARLY indicate that yes, my family's coming

*tun-tun-ta-taa* loool i think that was more of a funeral march. But I'm So excited Three sisters are coming and that means five kids and 1 little sweet angel (A) =) apparently N & K have been preparing a trip somewhere for us all to go this Thursday its probably a theme park seeing as i cant imagine taking the kids to the museum....well I can imagine my self taking them -one day in my big black sexy Range Rover......... OK time to wake up now- but not with a whole entourage of people.

A cliche subject the weather. But seeing as this is England not known for its sunny, hot days and reliable summer I have to comment... Today if positively B-E-A-utiful! I woke up today nice an early, my hair wasn't playing up, i hadn't left my mp3 on all night and the sun was simply smiling down on me LooooL Cliched, i know but we have to admit cliche's are cliched because they're used so much and why may i ask are they used so much?? Because they have the charm of being the first of their kind and the underestimated beauty of the old.
Now its time to go town, cause knowin the weather it'll probably start raining when i leave the house.... but i think not. :D

xox Sammy